I joined a Mental Health webinar earlier today called Mapping The Soul (reference from one of BTS’ albums that delve into Jungian concepts of the psyche, ego and collective unconscious - with a particular focus on the idea of Persona). It was a great experience for me and reminded me that whatever I feel at the moment is valid.
I don’t think I’ve ever written or talked to anyone outside stan twt (what they call this community of Twitter users that post opinions related to music, celebrities, etc) the becoming of my ARMY journey. ARMY is the name of BTS’ fandom and this fandom has a saying: “You will find BTS when you need them the most.”
And I did. I guess I finally reached that point where I didn’t see myself going anywhere anymore and BTS opened a door for me. I was self deprecating. And there was no way out from the thoughts in my head.
I was able to find comfort not just through their music but also the rawness they’ve been showing to everyone since they debuted. I did not know I was looking for it or even needed it, but it was refreshing. I have been depressed and I was/still am going through loss.
The most striking thing to me was how strong their message of self love. Anyone close would know how much I struggle with it along my relationship with my child’s father. That was the biggest struggle of all. And for the longest time, I went astray from my self. I was trying so hard to fit in everyone’s ideals. I really doubted my worth and for the longest time it was centered on him and trying to be better for him. So when BTS said “You gave me the best of me. So you'll give you the best of you”, I felt that. It was really time I focus on me.
It’s time I come home to myself.
I have been doing a lot of self assessment and I’m glad to tell anyone I am finally (slowly) coming to terms with my own worth. I have come far from where/how I used to be. When @armysessionsph held this Mapping The Soul webinar, I was excited to join. I haven’t had a lot of sessions outside school mainly because I spend most of my time sulking and being sad and worrying about things, so this was something of a first and me going out of my bubble. I was really finally coming out.
This session really reminded me that when we feel powerless and helpless about the things going on around us, let's go back to ourselves. I kept telling myself this the past years (though I fail at it most of the time), I may not be able to control the things around me, but there is one thing I can control: me.
I am also coming to terms with the fact that anything I feel will always be valid. I am working towards bettering myself because I need to be someone worth loving for me so I can offer the good kind of love to my child and the people who has always put faith in me. I need to be the mother my child needs in this world. That is my ultimate why. And anything I do from here onwards, will be centered on that reason.
Healing and growth really takes time. i’m not all the way where i wanna be, but i’m damn sure far from where/how I used to be & I love that for me!
Knowing and realizing that, is also something worth celebrating too.
Thank you, @armysessionsph for this informative and wonderful experience. Thank you, Bangtan for showing me how to love myself.
Some highlights of the webinar:
- Our phenomenological worldview is different from the phenomenological worldview of other people.
- To wallow in your emotions allows you to stay in the moment and recognize your feelings at the moment.
- Foster your well-being through: Positive emotions, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Accomplishment (PERMA Model).
- Self-care is gaining sense of inner control physically, psychologically, emotionally, socially, financially, spiritually, environmentally, and professionally.
- While it's good to have others, it always counts for something when we can turn to ourselves.
Most of these things we’ve probably heard/read again and again, everywhere. But once in a while, it is always good to remind ourselves of this. That’s how we keep ourselves grounded.
We love homecomings. Welcome back, Kimi!