on hope, therapy, && something else.
Hope
I spent a good amount of time crying over this sudden glimpse of hope over Leni Robredo’s declaration to run for presidency. How do I begin to explain how one woman running for president, in a country like ours, at a time like this, has given me so much hope? A presidential candidate we can fully put our faith in and not just vote because she is the lesser evil. For once we’re actually seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, like any other good thing, it was fleeting. In an instant it turned into a huge debacle of friends and family with varying political opinions and not one of them ever willing to hear or have a rational discourse. I know there is no such thing as a perfect presidential candidate and our democracy is far from a perfect system but with Leni running, a lot of us actually feel hope for this country for the first time in a long time. I am praying and hoping and will do everything I can to help because it’s not my future that is at stake here, it’s Cessna’s. Should the time come I leave her, I would want to leave knowing she’s in a kind of government that doesn’t silence her and everything she will stand for as a person.
Therapy
I’ve been saying this ever since, these days have been about self discovery and profusely living on BTS’ lyrics, my mantra from their song Answer: Love Myself that goes you gave me the best of me, so you’ll give you the best of you. Part of giving myself the best of me is finally deciding to go to therapy. Earlier tonight I had my first therapy session which was probably the best-est thing I’ve done for myself, by myself. I realized so much about myself, and unpacking lots of traumas I didn’t even know I had or may have been keeping for so long. And it’s only the first session. I’m scheduled for another next week, which I am pretty much looking forward to.
Funniest (in the sense that it was prolly one of the factor that made this whole therapy thing the best for me) thing was, my therapist is actually an ARMY! The session was fun and comfortable to settle in because she used BTS as reference! Before we ended the session, my therapist suddenly went “wait, I know this is awkward but… WHO IS YOUR BIAS IN BTS?” hahahaha honestly the most wonderful way to end that session. :D Bangtan staying true to their motto Artis and Music for Healing. They continue to connect people in so many ways one can imagine.
Currently…
Reading XOXO by Axie Oh. My friend KB and I are spending our nights buddy reading this book and spamming telegram with squeals and rants. We stopped at Chapter 20 tonight and safe to say, we are loving this book. At the same time it is giving us a lot of Anna and the French Kiss typa vibe.
Listening to a solo cello rendition of Le Cygne (The Swan). This was mentioned in the book we’re currently reading because the main character is an aspiring cellist. I have always been avoidant of anything classical, let alone played in a cello because they always sounded like songs describing the pain of love and not being able to be with someone you love. Old Kimi would’ve thought of that. Now, this just feels like a calm moment of coming home to yourself. A song about love, for yourself. When I looked up what Le Cygne was about—- it illustrates the fleeting nature of beauty with its interpretation of the legend of the "swan song". And it’s good to note I guess that there really is something beautiful with good byes.
Waiting still for my Hybe In Ears to arrive. Oh and the Coldplay x BTS CD. It’s my first time to order internationally so I guess this is what one of my besties’ been talking about how they’re used to waiting months for merch to arrive.
Exploring this Fujicolor Simple Ace disposable film camera. This was gifted to me by one of my ARMY besties, Sam. My birthday isn’t until next week but her gift arrived earlier and the letter was actually very touching. To have someone believe and be amazed with how I see the world. Best believe I was at a loss for words. hay Lord my heart is full with so much gratitude and love for this people
Planning on going through Circe’s production tomorrow. Finish curing and smooth the candle tops and start packing. Hopefully boxes are to arrive tomorrow. :D
Good night. Tonight’s been a roller coaster of emotion. But I’m happy and grateful you’re here.
I am happy to be here.
Kimi